Being genuinely sorry is actually remembering what the hell you did and having enough genuine regret to sincerely endeavour not to repeat the very thing you know has caused distress or even great hurt.

When someone’s on your back like Zorro to apologise to you, or for you to accept the apology, they don’t actually mean they’re sorry.

What they really mean is: “Look, can you hurry the eff up and accept my apology so I can stop feeling bad about it?

You perceiving me as wronging/hurting/abusing/whatever, you is terribly inconvenient and my ego doesn’t like the pinch of reality, so if you don’t mind, get a shuffle on, accept my apology and let’s move on so I can slam my palm down on the Reset Button.

“ You see, much like the issue of being friends after a breakup, when certain types of people badger you to be ‘friends’ and badger you to accept their apology, it’s because they’re not confident enough in their own integrity to believe they can ‘get’ your friendship or your forgiveness without manipulating you to some degree.

This past Easter I wrote about whether we really need to forgive and the importance of ultimately forgiving yourself instead of busting a gut trying to speed up your grieving and healing so that you can forgive someone else.

What I find fascinating about life but in particular reading or hearing about situations where people have encountered someone who at best took advantage and at their worst, abused them, is how ‘sorry’ is supposed to be a word that expresses regret and an apology, but can also be a way of pressing the Reset Button.

Much like giving, ‘sorry’ isn’t something that you say with expectations of what the other person should think, feel, or do as a result of it.

I don’t say sorry unless I mean it but I also don’t take it as my right to assume that it should be “Shazam! ” For minor things, it can be relatively easy to snap back to ‘normal’ but otherwise, it takes more than the few seconds it takes to utter an apology to overcome these situations.

If you treat someone well in a relationship, odds are that even when you break up, once hearts are mended and you’re both in neutral territory, there’s a possibility for friendship but you don’t assume that it’s your God given right, and you certainly shouldn’t feel entitled to push for a pseudo friendship so you can have a foot in the door for an ego stroke, shag, or a shoulder to lean on.